The End

I caught up with Johnny last night: we had early doors in the Brasserie.  It was a music night and thanks to Siberia, the usual 'turn', David Bailey, keyboard player extra-ordinaire, who we all love, was marooned in Chesterfield, so the slot was filled by Simon 'keys' Parkinson, who had valiantly turned out to fill the gap (he is extra-ordinaire too - and speaks French). So Siberia retreated a little and the show went on!

Simon is a pivotal figure in Johnny's digital life, keeping his computer in order - Johnny trusts Simon.  Johnny doesn't trust me, which I think is a little unfair!  Anyway, at break time, Simon came over to chat and as always, when you put characters together, stories will out.

It would seem that back in the late swinging sixties and early seventies, Johnny tried his hand at music.  His instrument?  Well, what do you think, given his sensitive and deeply introspective tendencies?  Naturally, it was the drums and I pictured Johnny behind a drum-kit - you know - bass, tom-toms, snare and cymbals.  Well no.  Johnny's kit would be singular wouldn't it? The bass drum  was a carry-on-the-chest-marching one, with a cradle specifically created by J, so it would stand, plus snare and a range of bells, pans, tea-cups and dangling things to tinkle on.

The man who lost his head

And what bands did Johnny belong to?  Well, there were the Alarming Clocks, the Impossible Men and Johnny's favourite, the End, with brothers Phil and Paul and son Perry. 'We never knew when we got on stage,' Johnny reminisced, smiling beatifically, 'what we were going to do.  I played drums and just battered away - we played Phil's songs.  I wrote a piece of music you know.'
'Did you?'said Gill.
'Really?' said Simon.'
'Yes,' said Johnny with a far away look in his eyes, 'it was called 'Industrial Revolution'.  It was inspired by the time when I was painting and decorating in a steel works and it was a cacophony of noise.  I said to the band, "I've written a fantastic song - it'll go on for half an hour!"

We set up for 'Industrial Revolution' at the Cock and Castle pub in town.  We had a washing machine, hair drier, vacuum cleaner - and something that didn't work properly, but I can't remember what it was.  We charged 2/6 entrance.  Then we just turned everything on and stood at the bar.  Unfortunately, everyone demanded their money back.  Unfortunately, we'd drunk it.  "What do you mean, you want your money back?" we said. "This is avant garde!"'

'Well I would have asked for my money back too!' said I, in fits.

'The thing is,' continued Johnny dreamily, 'when they (instruments) all get going, if you're prepared to get into it, you will find a rhythm ...  While we were at the bar the Drug Squad - about seven of them, came in.  They came whenever we played because Phil had written a song called 'Pigs in Plain Clothes' - they loved it because it was about them.'

I'm not so sure Johnny's reasoning here is correct, but I hope it is.

And now I'm off to practise Brahms: from the ridiculous to the sublime!